Guilty?

So it's been all over the news, it's the biggest headline about the NFL right now, and yes I'm going to share my opinion about it. I'm talking about Michael Vick being indicted on Dogfighting charges. Here is a little bit of a background.. Back in March of 07 the NFL commisioner told Vick that Vick was accountable for what went on on his property and was responsible for the friends and associates that he chose. So, when Michael Vick's property was raided and 17 dead Pitbulls, dogfighting training equipment, and evidence of animal cruelty. He and 3 other associates were indicted on animal cruelty, and dogfighting. Michael Vick went before the judge and pled not guilty..not guilty!!! I think that if you own land and something illegal is going on there and you don't stop it, I'm sorry but I think that makes you somewhat guilty. Well, an informant came forward and did an interview about dogfighting, and he fingered Michael Vick as a "high roller" saying that Vick would bet thousands of dollars on dogfights and was deep into the dogfighting world. Now I'm not going to say that what was said there is totally true or not, but when your property is raided and the authorities find a dogfighting pit, a breeding or"rape post", a lockbar (for breaking dogs up), treadmills, and bloody carpet, I'd start thinking your guilty. And then they find 17 dead pitbulls, that were brutally killed. (Some were electrocuted, hung, slammed on concrete and beaten, and drowned) I'm sorry but I think you deserve to be locked up, and punished for a long time. Now alot of people think it's wrong that the NFl and the Falcons have told Vick to stay away from training camp, they're saying" well it's innocent until proven guilty" yes thats how it is in a court of law, but in the eyes of your employer its not that way. If your employer doesn't think your conduct is appropriate, guess what? They can fire you!! I think that the NFL and the Falcons are doing the right thing keeping Vick away. Nike and Reebok have suspended their dealings with Vick, Don Russ (a Football Trading Card company) has pulled his card from all packs of football cards this year. So Michael Vick is guilty in the court of public opinion!! I think that he's guilty, and I hope that he gets what he deserves! One new development in this case... one of the other defendants in this case has entered a plea bargain and will probably testify against Vick. I know that in America it's " innocent until proven guilty" but I think Vick's guilty and I do hope that justice will be served.

Broken Records...

This year in Major League Baseball will see a new record. Barry Bonds is only 2 homeruns away from breaking Henry (Hank) Aaron's 755 homerun record. There's plenty of controversy about this event. Barry Bonds has been investigated for using MLB banned substances (Steroids), and has been fingered by many prominent baseball players as using steroids. The Commissioner of the MLB (Bud Selig) is trying his hardest not to acknowledge Barry Bonds, but why not just recognize it (very briefly) and move on. I'm not too happy to see Hank Aaron's record broken, but it's going to happen. Do I think Barry Bond's used 'roids? Yeah, of course. Do I think this casts a huge shadow on the record? Yes, I think that no matter what, Barry Bond's will always be haunted by the steroid scandal and his record will always be somewhat tainted. I can't blame Hank Aaron for not showing up to the record breaking game. Hank Aaron didn't use steroids to acheive his record, he just went out there and played the game. He was one of the most beloved players in MLB. Barry Bond's is probably one of the most disliked players to ever play the game. All this being said; I also know that sports are evolutionary, constantly changing. Technology gets better, the athletes get stronger, the rules get changed. In fact the only thing thats constant, is change. So while, I'm not too thrilled about this record being broken, I have to take a moment and recognize that change is inevitable and regardless about how I feel about Barry Bonds, it is a notable accomplishment to hit over 755 homeruns in your career. I'm sure someday that record will be broken as well, so until then...

Talk Radio?

Now, when I was a kid I used to tease the heck out of my Dad for listening to talk radio. I always said "I'll never listen to this crap" Well, as most of us do as we grow up, I'm now eating those words. I have been listening to talk radio for the last few weeks and loving it! I listen to ESPN, Fox News, CNBC, Free Capitalist, etc. I am so much more in tune with what's going on in the world around me. If I am not able to listen to a broadcast, I just podcast it. I never thought I'd see the day when I'd actually like talk radio. I guess it's me getting old, or maybe I just never listened when it was on before. So I am now converted to talk radio and love listening to the news, sports and market info all day at work. I still like music stations, but talk radio is definitely the dominant type of the two. So maybe it's the fact that I'm going bald, or maybe it's because all of the sudden my back gets sore after working hard, or maybe it's the fact that I am losing touch with my younger self, but whatever the reason Dad, I owe you an apology. You weren't weird for listening to talk radio...you were just a little too grown up for me at the time... but since you now have more hair than I do... well I'll leave it at that. :)

What I Do...

So this is what I do. I work for Energy Solutions as a DOT (Dept. of Transportation) Shipper. I receive and ship Radioactive and chemical Radioactive material. I have been doing this for about 2 years now and I now have most of the Federal Regulations for Hazmat Shipping memorized. (I know that is not something to be proud of) I work at a facility that is regulated by at least 5 different Federal Agencies and have developed a disdain for the lawyers that write regulations. But I do enjoy my job, and the people I work with. In this picture I am surveying (measuring radiation dose and contamination levels) on a lead lined shipping cask. This is the kind of shipping I deal with most of the time. I don't think there's too much more too tell but if you'd like to know more about Energy Solutions check out their website at energysolutions.com

Why I need Her....

Why I need her... She's the love of my life, she's the only one I want forever. She's my sunshine when I'm cloudy, she's my angel when I'm being bad. She's my sunrise and sunset. She's the reason I try to be better each day. She's the memory that puts a smile on my face and the thought of losing her makes my cry. She's the person I can talk to anytime I need too. She's the only one who can tolerate my idiocity and my weird behavior. She's the best Mom and wife I could've ever asked for. She's the one I dreamt about and the one I want to cherish and grow old with. She's everything to me!!I love you Shana!!!!

Modern Day Gladiators

I am going to write about my absolute favorite sport today. It all started when I was 12 years old. I read an article about a BYU wrestling coach that got in trouble for participating in an Ultimate Fighting match. I was intrigued, what was ultimate fighting? I soon found out it was a "no holds barred" fight in which the fighters employed a number of fighting styles. Well, I went on about my business for the next 10 years and once in a while I'd catch wind of Ultimate Fighting news. When I was 22 I watched my first Pay per View UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship). I was instantly hooked and couldn't get enough of this sport. I started watching amateur fights, I rented previous UFC's, I was an Ultimate Fighting addict! I went to Las Vegas a few years later and watched my first UFC live. It was awesome! Even though my friends and I watched our favorite fighter (Jeremy Horn) and coach lose to Chuck Liddell, it was a great experience. ( I was training at Jeremy's gym in Salt Lake at the time) I have not really missed a Pay Per View of the UFC since then and went to another one in Las Vegas.
Here's a brief overview of the UFC. It started around the early 90's, there were no weight classes, no time limits, hardly any rules, and virtually no fan base. It was near bankruptcy and was purchased by the Zuffa brothers, and Dana White became the president of the UFC. The UFC sponsored a reality tv show called the Ultimate Fighter and aired it on Spike TV. It was an instant success, and the fan base for the UFC is bigger than ever. It went from near bankruptcy to success in no time.
The rules are simple, no biting, no small joint manipulation, no knees when the opponent is down, no punching in the back of the head, no groin shots, other than that anything goes. There are now weight classes, and the sport is much more disciplined than it used to be.
Anyway, I am really crazy about this sport, I guess some people call it "too violent", or "too brutal", but I think it's a noble and impressive sport. Two competitors step into the ring or cage and battle each other until one of them is knocked out, taps out, or they go the distance and the judges decide who wins. They are tough, determined, and strong athletes. They are in incredible shape and truly are Modern Day Gladiators. I look forward to the next UFC in April, and the Ultimate Fighter Season 5 too.

I used to Live... Now I LIVESTRONG!!!

I don't quite know how to express all of my feelings at this moment. I am officially cancer free, and a cancer-survivor. But I feel almost kind of lost now. I have spent every ounce of energy trying to beat cancer the last few months, and now that it's over I'm not sure where to expend that energy now. I told Shana, I feel like we've just finished climbing a huge mountain and now I don't know what to do! So I have set a few goals in my life that reflect what I have learned during this experience. 1) I will start everyday with a prayer to my Heavenly Father thanking Him for my wonderful and blessed life, and try each day to make a sincere difference in the the lives of those around me. 2) I will never again take for granted my loved ones. Throughout this ordeal I have had so much love and support, and I will never forget it! 3) I will participate in Charity and Fundraising events to benefit cancer patients. This has been an eye opening experience for me, before this "cancer" wasn't really real to me. I knew some people that had had it, and I'd lost my step grandparents to it, but I didn't realize how many people are affected by it. I want to do more to help those people that live with this disease. 4) I want to share my experience with as many people as I can. I'm not special, I'm not superhuman, I'm an everyday, average guy, but I want to share my experience so that they can learn from me and take strength from what I went through. I want to tell people what I know so they might not have to experience this. 5) I will never forget how much my wife Shana has done for me. She was my Angel through this ordeal. She took care of me, cried for me, and unconditionally loved me day in and day out. She would go get me weird things I was craving, she put up with me when I was sick or tired, and she smiled at me everyday and told me how much she loved me. I will never be able to thank her enough for all that she has done.
I am now looking to the future, thinking of how I will be "normal" again. But I don't know that I'll ever be the same again. I will not be so quick to take every thing for granted like I did before. I will slow down, and enjoy sweet moments in life. I will race ahead and see what's in store cause I am so excited to be alive! I used to live... Now I LIVESTRONG!

The Glass is not Half Empty, it's Half Full!

Well it's now official, the treatments are halfway through! I finished my tenth day of chemo last friday. I must say that this session was a lot rougher than the first and made me honestly question if I want to continue. Not, for my sake but for my sweet wife! Shana has been through so much already, I don't want to continue to burden her. She has been the rock that I lean on through all of this. I can honestly say I wouldn't be able to do it without her! She has been there day in and day out and I know she is my greatest blessing ever! I want her to know how much I love her and cherish her. She puts up with me when I'm in foul moods, when I complain about everything and through it all she supports and loves me. So I have to say that while everything might look bleak, or half empty, i feel like it's half full! Our glass has been filling with good news, blessings and love and support! I am so grateful to have so much to be thankful for, I have an amazing wife, and two amazing boys that I spend my time with. That in itself is a blessing. But, I have felt the love and support of my family and friends in a way that I never have before. I have felt strength from all of the support that is given and all of the prayers offered. I am so glad that I have been blessed with such an amazing group of people to call my family and friends. I truly thank all of you, and only hope that in some way I may return the kindness you have shown me. I have a greater appreciation for the Priesthood, since receiving a number of blessings from my Father, Father-in-Law, brother, and brother-in-laws. The power of the priesthood is an amazing gift and i am so glad to have worthy family that honor their priesthood. I am so grateful for my family and for Shana's family. I have never felt closer to my family than at this time. I am so glad for Shana's family, they have welcomed and loved me as their own since I met them and I have so much love in my heart for them! I am so glad that this trial has been placed before us, because in spite of all of the bad things that have happened, the blessings of heaven have been poured out upon us. And I have been able to grow closer and love my wife so much more than I ever imagined. She is my everything! So as I look around, it would be easy to say that my glass is half empty, but I honestly think that it's full!

Turning Tragedy into Triumph

Tonight, I sit here around midnight, unable to sleep for some reason. I am physically exhausted but restless at the same time. I am thinking about what it means to be "tested" and "tried" in this life. In life you always here of those brave people that have overcome incredible odds to achieve or do something great. Joseph Smith, Lance Armstrong, Helen Keller, these are a few people that come to mind, that overcame "the odds" to achieve something great. What qualities did they all posess? Faith, courage, endurance, unwaivering strength of will. The ability to turn tragedy into triumph. To see past the obstacle or challenge to see the end result and have the strength to reach it.
There are ordinary people, who everyday do something extraordinary, they live! They live, with the loss of loved ones, with an addiction they control, with a debilitating illness, with abuse. We all either know or are one of these Brave Souls. The extraordinary people that won't back down when that adversity is staring us in the face. The people that will seize control of our fear and use it to fuel our courage. To forge a fire that blazes in the very depths of our soul, that we may stand strong against our challenges. We all were given an amazing and wonderful gift, when we entered this existence, the freedom to choose. We can choose who and what we are in this life. No one forces us to be a certain way, eventualy we all take control of our own thoughts, actions, well being, and path in life. This power to choose is a blessing but can also be our downfall. If we channel our desires, goals, and dreams, we can achieve anything we want. If we choose to let our emotions, namely fear and anger run our lives then we become a slave to them. We have chosen to give in and not fight for what is truly our intended purpose on this earth, happiness.
There are those that suffer devastating tragedies everyday. (Just turn on your local news if you don't believe this) But each of these victims or families of victims are given the power to choose how they face this adversity. They can let their fear take over their life or they can mourn and face that tragedy everyday and say "I'm not gonna let you beat me...ever!" The people that can get up and say that everyday are truly extraordinary. I am so grateful to have known so many "extraordinary ordinary" people in my life. I have watched loved ones that have beat drug addiction, I have watched loved ones deal with the loss of family and friends, I have seen divorce, abuse, painful personal loss, and I have had personal hardships as well. In these experiences, I have seen someone get to the absolute lowest they can go, they've been hit harder than they ever imagined possible, and yet they rise up, they stare their fear and anger and pain in the face and say "I'm not gonna let you beat me...ever!" They have chosen to turn tragedy into triumph. They have chosen to do something extraordinary! they have chosen to live! I once heard someone say " It's not about how hard you can hit, it's about how hard you can get hit, and fall down, and then you get back up!" How true is that statement? It really is the hardest times in our life that allow us to show what we're really made of and how hard we can get "hit" and get back up and stare your challenge in the face.
I am so grateful for all of the hard times in my life, they have shown me what I am made of and how hard I can get hit and get back up. I have stared adversity in the face and have fought it every day. I now stare Cancer in the face everyday and I say "I'm not gonna let you beat me...ever!" I have made my choice, I will fight forever if necessary.
What choice will you make? Will you give into fear and cower before adversity, or will you stand and face it and say "I'm not gonna let you beat me...ever!" Will you turn tragedy, even a small tragedy into triumph? I truly hope you will!

Life as a Stay Home Dad and Husband

Well, it's official for the next three months I am a Full time Dad, Husband and Cancer fighter. I finished the first round of Chemo and was going to return to work for two weeks, but my body wasn't going to cooperate. I was exhausted, ornery, and not much fun to be around. I wasn't even able to get up for more than ten minutes, before I had to sit down. So I decided to investigate my options a bit more and try to find a solution. I called up the HR department and asked if I qualified for Short term Disability, I did so I had the paperwork mailed out, and eventually had to have it faxed in order to speed up the process. So Shana and I sat down and revised our budget, and made a plan for our next few months that will allow us to live comfortably and frugally at the same time. Well, after a few days of exhaustion, my strength and appetite returned and now I am just about normal. (other than the fact I don't sleep a whole lot at night) But all I can say is how much of a blessing it has actually been to be at home so much, I am spending so much time with my family and never realized how much I missed out on when I was at work all day. Brayden and Daxton are so much fun to play with all day, and it's nice to be able to spend time with them. There is however one downside to staying home, and that is that I am so restless. I am used to having at least a dozen projects on my desk and to always being busy. At first the slower pace was nice, but now I am constantly restless and always have to be doing something. I am finding tedious and somewhat monotonous projects so exciting now because they keep me busy. I have probably re-organized everything in our house this week and have been deep cleaning everything. It is very refreshing and exciting to get so much done at home. I feel like I'm working for myself and not for my company right now. I have been an avid reader this whole time too. I have read Lance Armstrong's book " It's not about the bike", a truly inspirational read ( I fully recommend this to anyone), I have been an internet junkie, reading anything and everything about cancer and cancer survivorship. I have nbeen working in my cancer journal from the Lance Armstrong Foundation (a gift from Shana's mom Chris) , and I have been reading a variety of other books and magazines. I also have been trying to read my scriptures daily. ( I find that they are the best source of comfort and inspiration) So life with cancer is different, but I actually think it is a blessing because I am focused solely on what matters most, my family. They are my life not cancer!

Chemo (Not what I expected)

Well chemo has started. I'm taking 2 drugs, Cisplatin and Etoposide, the main side effects are hair loss and fatigue. Fatigue has manifested itself early, on the first day I was dead tired by the time we got home, I didn't want to move. I went in the first day and was all "gung-ho" to beat cancer. Well about 4 pokes of the IV needle later (and some bruising) I wasn't so sure this was gonna be so great. So I decided that I would have a PICC line inserted. So day 2 I went down to the Radiology Dept. and had one put in. Now, it sounds easy but it was actually a very painful procedure and I am still sore tonight. But it's natural to be sore for a couple days they said. So I went to chemo for the second time today and am hapy to report that I have only been exhausted for 5 hours today, I am sore from the PICC line and everything I eat has a metallic aftertaste. Oh and I forgot to mention I've been to the bathroom about 15 times today! So chemo is everything I hoped it would be! I can't wait for a new chemo adventure tomorrow!

Introductions

I might as well introduce myself to get things going here. I am Jake Gardner born Jacob H Gardner to Jeff and Kelly Gardner. I was fortunate to have been born to two amazing parents that taught me to work hard, love passionateley and to be the best that I know how to be. I'm the oldest of 8 kids and I now have 3 step sisters, and 1 stepbrother. My parents were divorced when I was 12, but luckily they're both re-married and I have a wonderful stepmom and stepdad. I was married to the love of my life on October 10, 2006. Her name is Shana and she is my everything. Without her I am nothing, she even saved my life. Seriously, about two months ago I found a lump on my left testicle, and as any guy would, I just decided it was nothing and that it would go away after a day or two. Well it didn't go away, and I told Shana about it. She made a doctor's appointment, and the next thing I knew I was in the office getting checked out. I was immediately scheduled for an ultrasound, and that was not promising. The radiologist sent the scans off to the doctor immediately. I was then referred to a Urologist, as soon as the nurse practicioner felt the lump and saw the scans, he said "It's cancer". My heart seriously stopped. I better back up here. I have always been crazy, fearless and I did everything faster than I should've. Some people called it recklessness, I call it being addicted to life. I was never afraid of anything and I never thought much about my own well being. That being said, those few words stopped me dead in my tracks! How could this be happening? I was in my prime, a new step dad, a new husband and so happy in my life. I was in great shape, probably the best shape I've ever been in. It was unbelievable, I was not supposed to have cancer, I felt fine. So the next day I went in for a Radical Orchietomy (testicle removal surgery). I was kind of hoping that would be the end of my "Cancer Story" but I had just tipped the iceberg. The cancer had spread to my lymph nodes, so on Dec.21,2006 (exactly one month after my first surgery) I did something I never thought I would ever do. I went to the Hospital to stay overnight(actually three days). Well after a successful surgery, a wicked scar, and terrorizing the nurses for a few sleepless nights they decided I should probably go home (more for the nurse's sakes than for mine). I went home and celebrated the best Christmas ever! It was so much fun, I had a blast watching the boys open their presents and having family come visit all day. Well, I was thinking that my bout with cancer was over, but I couldn't have more wrong! We went to the Urologist to have my staples removed and I had another blood draw ( these were beginning to become a routine). Well my tumor markers ( chemicals in the blood that are indication of testicular cancer) should have been going down to normal. We would find out that they hadn't at all. My doctor said we should meet with an Oncologist just to discuss treatment options. We met with Dr. Bott to discuss "treatment", he said well either we do another blood draw and see what the marker levels were, or just do Chemo as a precaution. I opted for a blood draw. He said he'd call me the next day with the results. They came "the markers had almost doubled". So I would start chemo on monday. So cancer wasn't done with me. But I think it's the other way around, I wasn't done with cancer, cause there's no way cancer is gonna win this fight. And I love a good fight! So thats me! I know it sounds like cancer is the main focus, right now and truthfully it is! It has come in and totally changed our life so right now I'll probably ramble on about it quite a bit. Sorry but it's something that I've come to realize is here for a while and it needs to be beat.